How we Inherit Love and Loss, or How Amazon turned 99p into over £40

Every day Amazon sends me a short list of books that I can buy on Kindle for the princely sum of 99p. If I find a favourite author or something that looks interesting, well what’s 99p? I’ve a whole pile of such purchases, waiting for me. The latest addition is a book by Julie Samuel MBE, entitled, ‘Every Family has a Story; How we inherit love and loss’. Anita and I between us have an extraordinarily large family so I thought I might learn something. Well I haven’t been able to put it down, Anita being driven to distraction by me telling her about it at every opportunity. I can’t wait to talk to our children about Julie’s findings; I shall doubtless bore them also. 

What’s it about then? Julie is a psychotherapist of some distinction. In the book she tells the stories of several families she’s been working with, taking each family on a voyage of discovery to understand why they do the things they do to one another; why they keep silent about things they need to get off their chests; and how they can find better ways to communicate and appreciate each other. 

Julie is essentially making sense of the myriad ways we manage to miscommunicate with those we love.  Remember the old Mills Brothers’ song covered beautifully by Eric Clapton?

You always hurt the one you love
The one you shouldn’t hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
And crush it till the petals fall

You always break the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can’t recall
So, if I broke your heart last night
It’s because I love you most of all

I guess most of us need help in this area. Certainly I know I do. 

A couple of years ago one of my daughters suggested I write down my story. I didn’t discard this thought, but did nothing about it. Now it’s time I put pen to paper and told my story, not to get it printed, but so that my children can make sense of some of the things, big and small, that have helped to shape our lives in the years we’ve been together. We’ve had good times and bad times but all our times have impacted us in different ways, and weakened us or made us stronger. When I was a boy, I’d be told when I came home crying, ’sticks and stones may break my bones, but words they cannot harm me’. A favourite saying in those days, but we know it ain’t true. The deeper truth is that if you are attacked by someone, you will only go through physical pain. Eventually, you can be healed and the body becomes whole, but it will not affect your personality or bravery. On the contrary, the damage done by verbal abuse and hurtful words can be irreparable. I doubt there’s a reader who doesn’t carry scars created by careless words. 

In a few minutes we’re off to a birthday dinner with one of my much loved daughters and her family. Guess what I shall be talking about!

Oh, where does Amazon and £40 come into all this? I’ve just ordered the other books  she’s written, for myself and 2 copies that I shall inflict on daughters. Clever Amazon. Copy Amazon if you’re in the business of selling things.

A Prayer for all struggling saints:

This morning,
and all mornings
as we face the day
daunted by expectations
others place upon us,
weighed down by burdens,
unsure of outcomes,
opposed,
alone,
afraid;
remind us
that you faced all this
and more,
that we might loose
these chains that bind us,
rise above and beyond
the troubles of this world,
and know peace.
To the one who has overcome
we bring our thanks and praise
.
©John Birch, faithandworship.com