A Day in my Life

One of my grandsons is about to undergo training to become a barber. The barber I’ve been using is a sadist. He claims to be from Turkey, He may be just saying that of course. When I started going to him he would give me a pretty decent haircut, then he would proceed without any by your leave to set fire to my ears. He did it quickly before damage was done. Burns away unwanted hairs apparently.

Today I went in, a few days overdue (a few weeks says Anita!). Possibly the ear burning process had gone wrong because they’d stuck a notice up declaring  that setting fire to ears was not covered by their insurance, and they would use hot wax in future. He asked if I wanted to have my ears hot waxed. I have to remove my hearing aids before a haircut, and tended to say yes to anything that was on offer so I agreed. He proceeded to apply a large gunk of what appeared to be very hot road tar, pressing it deep into my ears with great enthusiasm. He did the same with the outside of my nose. After wandering off for a few minutes to let the road tar harden he proceeded to yank it all off. Rather painful it was, bringing tears to my eyes, but my fear that I’d lose an ear or half a nose was not realised and the pain did subside after a while.

I then saw him advancing towards me holding an oversized cotton bud plastered with the black tar. ‘What fresh hell is this?’ I cried. Ignoring me he rammed it up a nostril as far as he could go, repeating the process with the other nostril, leaving me struggling to breathe. When he yanked out the cotton buds I was sure there would be blood, but no, he knew what he was doing. I staggered out of the shop, dazed, having tipped him generously out of relief at having escaped with my life. 

I’m going off for a lie down. I hope your training goes well James. I hope too that he has a strong stomach for this sort of thing and a steady hand.

I think one of Ted Loder’s prayers is appropriate. To be read slowly:

Precious Lord, Grant me a Sense of humour, that adds perspective to compassion,

gratitude, that adds persistence to courage

Quietness of spirit, that adds irrepressibility to hope

Openness of mind, that adds surprise to joy.

That with gladness of heart I may link arm, and aim with the One who saw the signs of your kingdom

In salt and yeast, pearls and seeds, travellers and tax collectors, sowers and harlots, foreigners and fishermen.

And who opens my eyes with these signs, and my ears with the summons to follow hard after the author of justice and joy.